queremos tanto a fidel: que ya no sé si voy o estoy de vuelta

welcome to the summer of my facebook discontent.

in case you have not heard, i have a love/hate relationship with zuckerberg’s black hole of a privacy joke website.

i hate that it decides to let all of you suckas know all of my shit without me agreeing to it. i love tagging. i hate that i have to post events there or NO ONE SHOWS. i love internet stalking.

recently, though, what stands out the most is how much i hate that i find out important news through its shitty feed.

the latest of such? Fidel Gamboa, singer of Malpaís and good longtime family friend of my cool 70s of a mom died of a heart attack yesterday.

i don’t even know how to react. on the one hand, it’s so strange when someone you haven’t heard from on a personal level in years (his ex-wife used to teach me to use jazz hands when i was five and couldn’t sit still in a leotard) pops back into your life through sad news. on the other hand, it’s incredibly personal when people that are your parents’ age—those bricks that you always thought would stand solidly afoot the columns of your childhood memories—start to crumble, fade and eventually fall.

i didn’t know Fidel through the later half of his life. like thousands of other compatriotas, i stood at the foot of any stage, pretileando, or dancing around the sound booth at Radio U to the tunes of his Malpaís voice, i, too, feeling the notes familiar like Guanacaste sand under calloused feet. he’s still very much an icon to me more than a person. but like that old college roommate of yours who is now a movie star, there is that hint of familiarity, that bit of you that knew them drunk, or sad, or homesick, that insight into who they were beneath it all.

and that’s what saddens me the most. sure, the talent that leaves with him is heartbreaking for my little piece of Central America. and his family, who i know and love, is surely missing him more than any one of us from foreign lands ever could. but it’s the loss of that real person beneath it all that broke my heart today.

en tu honor, Fidel. por aquella memoria que te tengo.


~ by nadstina on August 29, 2011.

One Response to “queremos tanto a fidel: que ya no sé si voy o estoy de vuelta”

  1. Muy bonito tu texto. Hay muertes que nos dejan una especie de orfandad, una falta, una nostalgia que uno sabe que lo va a acompañar el resto de la vida.
    El Sup Cal

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